Marci's Song

If you know me, you know that I like music... a lot. Especially music written by my friends. I love to support my friends who use song writing and the art of creating music to worship God. I love the power that their words have. I don't know if it is more because I know them, but something about it makes me able to connect to their songs in such a deep way. They almost always speak to my heart, whether it is the first time I am hearing the song or the 492nd time (Run-Joe Guerra). There is one particular song that my friend Marci wrote over the summer and she played it every day trying to get it just right. I loved being there through this process and seeing the final result. Then we all began singing along. Eventually Mariana learned to play it too. One Sunday morning in Romania we were singing at a church and we were able to sing Marci's Song. Although we sang it in English I know that it still blessed the people of the church. It continues to bless me and speak to my heart. I go through my day singing it quite often. It has been a serious reflection of my life over the last few months. It helps me to worship with reckless abandon, remember that God is God and I am not and the plans and things God has for my life are so much better than anything else I could even imagine. It seems that every time I sing it or read the words again I get something else out of it. Thank you Marci for using the gifts God has given you to play and write and sing to be a blessing to others.

To all my friends, I ask you this: What are you holding on to or holding back from God that is keeping you from focusing only on God's plans for you. Whether it is school or work or ministry, take a good look and ask if that thing you are letting get in the way is worth it. Ask if it is worth it to let that thing get in the way of what God's plans are. Let this song be a blessing to you. Let the lyrics pierce your heart. Let them restore your hope.

you're asking me to let go, of all the things i know
despite my fears
to lay down my dreams and break at the seams
to call you Lord
and the battle rages, as i fight these changes
that you've called me to
when i hold the cost, against your wondrous cross
your grace out weighs them all

chorus:
i will walk through, burning valleys
to know you
i will swim through, raging waters
to see you
there is nothing, that can come
that will deter me from you
for my heart beats for you only

i'll rejoice in suffering, and burn the offering
if it pleases you
cuz your hope eternal, burns beyond external
radiates in me
so take my life apart, and reconstruct my heart
i give it up
cuz you're all that matters, when my life it shatters
you're my saving grace

chorus x2
i will walk through, burning valleys
to know you
i will swim through, raging waters
to see you
there is nothing, that can come
that will deter me from you
for my heart beats for you only

changes and changes.

So since the last time I blogged I have had so many changes happen. So many things have changed, but it is all for the best. After only 13 days of living in Pittsburgh, I couldn't live there anymore. The job I thought I was going to be able to get totally fell through and I felt very uneasy there. I didn't like living there and I felt very much alone. And even though it was hard for me to leave Maryann, I just couldn't stay there any more. So I came home.

I applied for jobs pretty much all over Michigan and ended up getting an interview at a coffee shop that I love. I was planning on living in Wyoming with one of my very best friends, we were going to live at this really nice apartment everything was almost totally all set with that. I was still planning on going up to Newaygo on Wednesdays to work with my youth group kids up there. It was pretty much the ideal situation. Then things changed again.

This all happened within about a week and then I had a meeting with the pastor from my church in Newaygo. They wanted me to continue working with the kids, and they asked me my commitment level. I told him the truth, I wanted to be fully committed to the kids and I wanted to be involved in their lives. This is where things changed. He told me that the church wanted me to be as involved as I could be as well, and that they wanted me to move up to Newaygo. The church has a parsonage (which is currently in the process of being fixed up) that they wanted to offer me, once all of the fixing is done. He said that a family from the church had offered to let me stay with them until I could move into the house. So I thought about it and I prayed about it and I knew that God was being faithful and had answered one of the deepest requests of my heart-- to be able to stay with my kids in Newaygo and be a bigger part of their lives. So I accepted that offer and the next week I moved to Newaygo.

Since then I have been living with the family from the church and waiting for my house to get finished. The family I have been staying with is so good to me and they have practically adopted me as their own. They have done so much for me and have become my second family. All of my needs have been met and mostly have gone beyond what I have needed. I am so thankful for everything that this family has done for me.

I also recently got a job working at Family Dollar. It is not a super stressful job, and I like it. It is just part time so only about 26 hours a week, but that is better than nothing. I am doing really well here, but I do miss my family though.

There have been so many changes, but I am so excited and happy about everything that is going on. I love my life and I wouldn't have it any other way. I am so happy to be doing ministry with the kids that I am dedicated to doing ministry with and I am loving being able to be involved in their lives. I was just able to spend some time in Nashville for the National Youth Workers Conference and it was a nice time to relax and to get re-energized about everything! It was an amazing conference and I am so glad I got to go.

There have been so many changes in my life lately, but I think things are finally starting to die down a little bit and stop changing. At least for a little while.I promise I will try not to neglect my blog as much as I have been lately.

with hope,
Amanda

thoughts at the end of day 3

sometimes i just dont know...

sometimes it is clear and sometimes it is fuzzy.

sometimes i think i know what i am doing, so i dive in... full force... and then realize i have gone too deep.

sometimes i wonder if i ended up with so much dislike for a place and time in my life, that i am too afraid i will end up in that place and time again, so instead of facing it, i run from it... i run as far away as i can go. some day i will have to face it though. that day will be ugly.

sometimes my imagination and my dreams can get too high.

sometimes i wish things were different.

the "what ifs" are running around in my mind. dancing and prancing. running circles and singing. so many "what if" questions...

sometimes i plan too much, sometimes i don't plan enough.

sometimes i forget.

sometimes this is harder than i remember, harder than i think it should be, and harder than i think i can handle.

sometimes... most times... more often than not... all the time... i worry more than i should. but i can't help it.

here i am.

Two days ago my car was all packed up, I woke up early to get myself ready, my family had breakfast together and then I left. I left to come to a new city with only my carload of personal belongings and a little bit of money. After a stop at Aunt Karen's house, one turn around because I got on the wrong road, three travel plaza's, and mixed up directions... I am here. My car is not so much a fan of these hills/mountains that we live on, but it made it here. It is always a little hard adjusting to somewhere new, where you don't really know anyone. My roommate had to leave yesterday almost immediately after I got here and she had an overnight shift at work, so I had the house to myself for the entire evening and night. She got back this morning at around 7 and went right to sleep. I unpacked my car right away because I knew that I wouldn't want to do it if I put it off until "later." Then I began sorting through some of my stuff and getting stuff situated. I can't really do a whole lot with my stuff because I don't have anything to put it in or on yet, nor do I have a bed, but those things will come. I am supposed to be hearing back from the job I applied for within the next few days. I am really hoping to get this job. This journey has just begun and even though I am scared out of my mind, a little hesitant and sometimes questioning myself, I know that God has a purpose for me being here. I know that because of his promises to me. I know that because he opened so many doors here and closed so many doors in Michigan. Even though it was my heart's desire to stay in Grand Rapids close to my friends and everything I know, God said no and for once in my life I listened, and I listened carefully. I listened to where I should go, and God's desire for my life is bigger and matters so much more to me than my desire for my life. So here I am. In Pittsburgh. Just me and Maryann and her GPS to get me around if I want to leave the house. It scares me to turn around on our street/ally in the back of our house. It scares me to drive on mountains and in tunnels. It scares me that I stepped out in faith and came here without a promise or offer for a job and that I only have a small supply of money to my name. But no matter how scared I am, God is bigger than that.

So here I am.
I hope that you will continue to follow my journey through this crazy process of me continuing and having to lean on God to get me through each day.

Over the summer I fell in love with the book of Exodus. A strange book to fall in love with, but so amazing to me. I love that it shows the true feelings of the Israelites. They freak out and get mad and complain about what they are going through, then God provides them with something to prove himself to them. They believe for the moment in the power of God, but then they forget so quickly and God has to do something else to show himself to them again. God is so patient with them as they offer their complaints and things they cannot stand about being in the wilderness. One of my favorite parts it this:
Exodus 15:26-- He said, "If you listen carefully to the voice of the Lord your God and do what is right in his eyes, if you pay attention to his commands and keep all his decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the Lord, who heals you."

That has been really encouraging to me in this crazy time of not knowing what is next.

I will blog again soon.
Much Love,
Amanda

new horizons

i graduated.
i walked up the steps, shook president kemper's hand, walked across the stage, and down the stairs without falling.

new horizons was our theme for graduation.
as i have been thinking about it... i am excited about what is on my horizon.

i am going to visit the ministry in vermont in two weeks.
hopefully i will be able to fit into their ministry. =]

then i will be home for a little over a week... then im leaving again.
Romania is on the horizon.

i cant wait.
im so excited for what is next...


the last four years have been amazing, hard, wonderful, challenging, fun, interesting and filled with memories. i have had 5 roommates (officially), many others unofficially. many of them have gone in very different paths of life, but each contributed to my growth so much and i am so thankful to them. i love them all.

i was walking around meijer earlier and i stopped to read the book "Oh the Places You'll Go" by Dr. Seuss. it is amazing and i wish someone had gotten me that book for graduation. i love it.

i am ready to go.
here am i Lord, send me.

here's to the last four years of amazingness, and to the next chapter of my life.
cheers.

almost over.

im sooooo done.
my brain has checked out of college and is ready to experience the next step in my life.
but what is that?? im so confused.

i had an interview yesterday with a really awesome ministry that i would love to work for. but the pay is not so great. i would really kind of like to still do the peace corps. i dont really know what to think anymore. i thought i had it figured out... but i didnt. now im freaking out. again.

i just know that im ready to stop writing papers and move on.
but what does that look like i have no idea.

this sucks.

senioritis and the changing of times.

so i definitely have a major case of senioritis.

last thursday i had a midterm due.
now this wasnt just any midterm.
this midterm was intense. my dispensational theology midterm.
not sophomore level theology... senior level theology. as in the highest theology class my college offers.
there were 5 questions. each worth 20 points.
each question had four or five questions in it that we had to answer.
each answer could be no more than 2 pages but it was hard to answer them in less than one.
i spent somewhere around 8 hours on this midterm.
long story short. i lost all of it with the exception of one and a half questions.
not only did i lose it, but i lost it an hour before it was due.
ouch.
there were tears involved.
but nevertheless i redid it and turned it in today.

i spent my lovely easter break at home. i was excited to be home. i miss my family. my brother is almost taller than me which is scary. my mom and i had fun shopping for dresses for graduation. and my dad is always the same and i love him so much. for easter two of my aunts came over. my grandma came over. and i had four and a half cousins over (my cousin Jason's wife is pregnant). Kaylee and Brent are getting so big. they are adorable. i love my family. i am so blessed to have such a big family where mostly everyone gets along and we all talk and love each other.


i was not ready to come back here to grand rapids. i wanted to stay at home, but my friend who was driving me needed to be back to go to school today. so last night and today i have been a little homesick which is a weird feeling. i don't think i will be home again before graduation.

things are changing and i am excited and scared all at the same time. i should be having a phone interview pretty soon with the program director at a ministry in Vermont. i really want to work for this ministry. i am hoping that i will get the chance to soooo bad. if i get the job i will be moving to vermont when i get back from Romania. =] so potentially in august.

things are exciting.

33 days until graduation.
50 days until romania.

<3