the battle rages

battles arent won by standing around and watching everything around you fall apart before you realize you have lost. battles are won by seeing the enemy or the problem coming in advance, preparing yourself to handle it, and standing up for you. for your heart. your mind. your faith. the strength will come when you are prepared for the battle.

but only when you are prepared fully. if you are only partially prepared you will only partially win, or partially lose depending on how you look at it.

as your battle rages, you can fight. but don't fight against the changes that are happening. fight for the changes. accept them. if you fight against them, cling to them, and constantly dwell on them, that is part of losing the battle. you weren't fully prepared to face the battle if you are still clinging to the side that has already lost. when thoughts begin to change or when life begins to change from thoughts or a life of hurt and pain to a life of freedom and redemption we get scared. we know that the plateau or mountain top of our spiritual high will not last we would rather cling to the past- whether consciously or subconsciously- because we are comfortable in that pain. we are comfortable and familiar with the feelings and emotions connected to those memories. and we would rather have that comfort than to fall into a new valley of new challenges.

but let me tell you--from experience-- it is better to fall forward into a new valley than to cling to that past. if your heart and mind are stuck on that past, you fall into an unhealthy pattern where little growth can actually take place. this pattern goes something like this:
1. You're down in the valley.
2. You begin to climb out.
3. You keep climbing, but occasionally look back.
4. You reach the top.
5. You start to go over the other side, don't like the way it looks and say "No".
6. You fall back into the same valley you were in before.

in this pattern you don't really get anywhere. you are going to address the same issues over and over and over again until you feel like there is just too much hopelessness and you are a lost cause. if you feel that way, let me tell you... you are not a lost cause. you may feel hopeless, but i can promise you there is hope. when you are properly prepared to fight the battle you can climb that mountain, look back and say "I won", then look over the other side and say i can overcome whatever lies down there.

you might be asking me: "well how can i prepare for this battle" and you probably won't like the answer i'm going to give you. i could give you tips on how i conquered my valley, but what worked for me might not work for you. but i have three places for you to start, as a springboard.
1. pray. pray for wisdom, for guidance, for freedom from whatever is holding you down.
2. actively seek the wisdom of those older than yourself. you would be amazed at what you can learn from some people.
3. don't look so much at the big picture of things. take each individual week, day, moment as it comes.

with hope.
you can conquer this.
amanda.

Marci's Song

If you know me, you know that I like music... a lot. Especially music written by my friends. I love to support my friends who use song writing and the art of creating music to worship God. I love the power that their words have. I don't know if it is more because I know them, but something about it makes me able to connect to their songs in such a deep way. They almost always speak to my heart, whether it is the first time I am hearing the song or the 492nd time (Run-Joe Guerra). There is one particular song that my friend Marci wrote over the summer and she played it every day trying to get it just right. I loved being there through this process and seeing the final result. Then we all began singing along. Eventually Mariana learned to play it too. One Sunday morning in Romania we were singing at a church and we were able to sing Marci's Song. Although we sang it in English I know that it still blessed the people of the church. It continues to bless me and speak to my heart. I go through my day singing it quite often. It has been a serious reflection of my life over the last few months. It helps me to worship with reckless abandon, remember that God is God and I am not and the plans and things God has for my life are so much better than anything else I could even imagine. It seems that every time I sing it or read the words again I get something else out of it. Thank you Marci for using the gifts God has given you to play and write and sing to be a blessing to others.

To all my friends, I ask you this: What are you holding on to or holding back from God that is keeping you from focusing only on God's plans for you. Whether it is school or work or ministry, take a good look and ask if that thing you are letting get in the way is worth it. Ask if it is worth it to let that thing get in the way of what God's plans are. Let this song be a blessing to you. Let the lyrics pierce your heart. Let them restore your hope.

you're asking me to let go, of all the things i know
despite my fears
to lay down my dreams and break at the seams
to call you Lord
and the battle rages, as i fight these changes
that you've called me to
when i hold the cost, against your wondrous cross
your grace out weighs them all

chorus:
i will walk through, burning valleys
to know you
i will swim through, raging waters
to see you
there is nothing, that can come
that will deter me from you
for my heart beats for you only

i'll rejoice in suffering, and burn the offering
if it pleases you
cuz your hope eternal, burns beyond external
radiates in me
so take my life apart, and reconstruct my heart
i give it up
cuz you're all that matters, when my life it shatters
you're my saving grace

chorus x2
i will walk through, burning valleys
to know you
i will swim through, raging waters
to see you
there is nothing, that can come
that will deter me from you
for my heart beats for you only