surrounded by brokenness

yesterday was a very long exhausting day. it was like one thing after another... and it just kept coming.

to begin with i was broken. i went for a drive for three hours and i could only tell you were i was for the last hour. not because the places i went were sketchy, but because i honestly dont know where i was. i know at one point i was at pinery park, and i think i ended up at the library... i know that for the last hour i became a mall walker at rogers plaza. i couldnt feel and i couldnt think. it was a hard place to be. i was worried about my message for last nights youth group. i was worried about many other things.

at youth group it was an interesting combo of my nervousness and inadequacy and God's faithfulness and providence. i missed a whole page of my notes. i talked about prayer and was ending with salvation and i missed a whole page of notes, so i came in at the end of my salvation message instead of the beginning. i wasnt sure how that was going to work. i told the kids i would be upstairs willing to pray for them. at first, none of them came. but slowly they did. i was able to connect with kids in a new way. i was able to see their brokenness and show a few of them pieces of my brokenness. it was exhausting yet rewarding. i was able to pray with kids who dont even believe in God, but they know i believe in God and the power of prayer so they asked me to pray for them.

when i got home, i talked with a friend about some decisions i have made and need to make over the next few days. i came home to go to bed around 10:30 and found out that another one of my very close friends was having a really rough night. he didnt want to see me, he just wanted to be alone with his depression and brokenness. but i didnt let him and his girlfriend didnt let him. i spent a good hour an a half just sitting in his room, being a presence in his broken state letting him know that he is not alone.

finally i came back to my apartment and my roommate told me some decisions she has made that were very hard for me to hear. it made me very sad, but at the same time excited. she is going on a new adventure that will be amazing for her. but in my own selfishness i want her to stay here. she is the best roommate ever and i love her so much. but i support her decision to do what she is going to do entirely. i understand where she is coming from... even though it hurts.

when i got on facebook today, my mom was online and she started a chat with me. something happened to someone in my family and my mom gets to go spend the whole day in the hospital with this family member. it worries me because this isnt the first time it has happened.

i am surrounded by brokenness. i am broken. i am undone.
God is faithful.

1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.