inspiration and remembering

the date was in april.
it was a beautiful day in washington d.c.
i was with my favorite classmates...
the peck high school symphonic band of the 2005-06 school year.

we had come on our band trip to this place via gettysburg, pa where we toured the sacred lands where so many died.

during this trip we were privileged enough to play a concert on the steps of the lincoln memorial, visit the World War Two and Korea and Vietnam memorials as well. but the best memory I have from this trip is when I got to place a wreath on the tomb of the unknown solider at arlington national cemetery. myself and three other friends were chosen, voted by our peers, selected to have this great honor. i was able to see the "locker room" of the guards, experience a guard change, and place the wreath under the sun of this april day.


this is myself and my friends Elyse, Andrew T., and Andrew G.

the tomb of the unknown solider sits at the top of a hill in the cemetery. the view from the top is amazing, heartbreaking, astonishing, and sad all at the same time. as you look down upon the rows and rows of white headstones, it makes a straight line in evry direction. all of the people who have given their lives in service to our country... my heart hurt for the families of those affected by the wars. as the horn player began playing taps my heart welled up with thankfulness and prayer. as we turned around and headed back up the steps as the ceremony concluded i could not help but cry. it was overwhelming. it was powerful. it was for sure one of the most amazing experiences of my entire life. in that moment i realized, the great and mighty power of God. he knows every solider who has been lost, where they have been laid to rest. He has the power to bring comfort to their families and console them in their pain. He can bring healing and restoration to those who are left behind. He does great things that I cannot even begin to describe or imagine.

today as memorial day, the moment i heard taps being played my mind took me right back to the top of that hill and i cried thinking of how many more headstones there must be, and how many more families have had to endure the pain of losing a loved one to someone else's battle.

if you are a veteran, today, i thank you from the very bottom of my heart for giving your life to serve for the freedoms that i have in my life.

if you are the relative of a veteran, you are an inspiration to me and your willingness and support of your loved one who has served is something the strive for.

<3 in memory of those serving, those who have served, those who have lost their lives, those whose names and resting places are forever unknown.

happy memorial day.

where you go i'll go

where you go i'll go, where you stay i'll stay, when you move i'll move, i will follow you. who you love i'll love, how you serve i'll serve, if this life i lose, i will follow you.

theme song to my life right now.


generally i am not a huge fan of Chris Tomlin, but this song gets me every single time right where it counts. i am literally relying on God for every move of my life at this moment. i am waiting for the okay to move on. but for now i'm staying right where i am because i am not finished here yet. i know the next step. i am just waiting for the go ahead.

until then i am content and happy in my situation.
i do not want to grow weary in doing good here.
i know this is perfect for this season.
my heart is at peace.

so until God tells me to go, here i sit ready and willing to pack up and go when it is time. all the while loving my ministry. loving my church. loving my students.

[[ p.s. listening to my favorite songs through the church sound system with an empty sanctuary singing at the top of my lungs is one of my new favorite ways to worship.]]

over a month, under a decision.

i have been avoiding my blog like the plague. it has been over a month since my last blog
it seems that when i blog my deepest emotions are stirred, worked up, and brought to life. i fear decision making. i fear that i will make the wrong choice. i fear that it wont happen the way it should or that i will set my heart upon it, and it will fall through. i feel like eventually i will say yes to this decision. but trying to decide is the hardest decision i have ever made.

you see, in my heart i have said yes. in my heart i have a million ways to do it.

but in my head, it makes no sense. no logical sense. i begin to worry over the small things. how i will pay, how i will cope, how i will fear, how i will love.

i want to do it, but i don't know if i have the faith for the follow through.
i know i could do it.
i know i could handle it.
i know i would love it.
i know i need it.

but.
im.
scared.

today at church though my pastor was sharing from mark 2 when Jesus is eating with the "sinners". The focus of the sermon was on the fact that Jesus didn't come for those who were righteous, but for those who were sinning. not for the healthy, but for those who need a doctor. that was the main focus of the sermon. but that wasn't the part i needed to hear. the part i needed to hear was in the previous verses. Jesus comes to the place where Levi the tax collector is sitting and Jesus says to him "follow me" and Levi gets up and leaves EVERYTHING he has. EVERYTHING! and follows exactly where Jesus says to go. It is astonishing to me.

i want the faith to do it.
but i don't think i'm there yet. or maybe i passed it. maybe i have been immersed in the christian society so deeply that the education/head knowledge side of me has buried the faith side into a cavern of unbelief.

i want to just get up and follow.

is that even an option?

Carrier l Jared Anderson from Andy Catarisano on Vimeo.

this is inspiring to my journey. i want to the be carrier.
yes.
my heart says yes.
i just need to get my head to match up.