the battle rages

battles arent won by standing around and watching everything around you fall apart before you realize you have lost. battles are won by seeing the enemy or the problem coming in advance, preparing yourself to handle it, and standing up for you. for your heart. your mind. your faith. the strength will come when you are prepared for the battle.

but only when you are prepared fully. if you are only partially prepared you will only partially win, or partially lose depending on how you look at it.

as your battle rages, you can fight. but don't fight against the changes that are happening. fight for the changes. accept them. if you fight against them, cling to them, and constantly dwell on them, that is part of losing the battle. you weren't fully prepared to face the battle if you are still clinging to the side that has already lost. when thoughts begin to change or when life begins to change from thoughts or a life of hurt and pain to a life of freedom and redemption we get scared. we know that the plateau or mountain top of our spiritual high will not last we would rather cling to the past- whether consciously or subconsciously- because we are comfortable in that pain. we are comfortable and familiar with the feelings and emotions connected to those memories. and we would rather have that comfort than to fall into a new valley of new challenges.

but let me tell you--from experience-- it is better to fall forward into a new valley than to cling to that past. if your heart and mind are stuck on that past, you fall into an unhealthy pattern where little growth can actually take place. this pattern goes something like this:
1. You're down in the valley.
2. You begin to climb out.
3. You keep climbing, but occasionally look back.
4. You reach the top.
5. You start to go over the other side, don't like the way it looks and say "No".
6. You fall back into the same valley you were in before.

in this pattern you don't really get anywhere. you are going to address the same issues over and over and over again until you feel like there is just too much hopelessness and you are a lost cause. if you feel that way, let me tell you... you are not a lost cause. you may feel hopeless, but i can promise you there is hope. when you are properly prepared to fight the battle you can climb that mountain, look back and say "I won", then look over the other side and say i can overcome whatever lies down there.

you might be asking me: "well how can i prepare for this battle" and you probably won't like the answer i'm going to give you. i could give you tips on how i conquered my valley, but what worked for me might not work for you. but i have three places for you to start, as a springboard.
1. pray. pray for wisdom, for guidance, for freedom from whatever is holding you down.
2. actively seek the wisdom of those older than yourself. you would be amazed at what you can learn from some people.
3. don't look so much at the big picture of things. take each individual week, day, moment as it comes.

with hope.
you can conquer this.
amanda.

Marci's Song

If you know me, you know that I like music... a lot. Especially music written by my friends. I love to support my friends who use song writing and the art of creating music to worship God. I love the power that their words have. I don't know if it is more because I know them, but something about it makes me able to connect to their songs in such a deep way. They almost always speak to my heart, whether it is the first time I am hearing the song or the 492nd time (Run-Joe Guerra). There is one particular song that my friend Marci wrote over the summer and she played it every day trying to get it just right. I loved being there through this process and seeing the final result. Then we all began singing along. Eventually Mariana learned to play it too. One Sunday morning in Romania we were singing at a church and we were able to sing Marci's Song. Although we sang it in English I know that it still blessed the people of the church. It continues to bless me and speak to my heart. I go through my day singing it quite often. It has been a serious reflection of my life over the last few months. It helps me to worship with reckless abandon, remember that God is God and I am not and the plans and things God has for my life are so much better than anything else I could even imagine. It seems that every time I sing it or read the words again I get something else out of it. Thank you Marci for using the gifts God has given you to play and write and sing to be a blessing to others.

To all my friends, I ask you this: What are you holding on to or holding back from God that is keeping you from focusing only on God's plans for you. Whether it is school or work or ministry, take a good look and ask if that thing you are letting get in the way is worth it. Ask if it is worth it to let that thing get in the way of what God's plans are. Let this song be a blessing to you. Let the lyrics pierce your heart. Let them restore your hope.

you're asking me to let go, of all the things i know
despite my fears
to lay down my dreams and break at the seams
to call you Lord
and the battle rages, as i fight these changes
that you've called me to
when i hold the cost, against your wondrous cross
your grace out weighs them all

chorus:
i will walk through, burning valleys
to know you
i will swim through, raging waters
to see you
there is nothing, that can come
that will deter me from you
for my heart beats for you only

i'll rejoice in suffering, and burn the offering
if it pleases you
cuz your hope eternal, burns beyond external
radiates in me
so take my life apart, and reconstruct my heart
i give it up
cuz you're all that matters, when my life it shatters
you're my saving grace

chorus x2
i will walk through, burning valleys
to know you
i will swim through, raging waters
to see you
there is nothing, that can come
that will deter me from you
for my heart beats for you only

changes and changes.

So since the last time I blogged I have had so many changes happen. So many things have changed, but it is all for the best. After only 13 days of living in Pittsburgh, I couldn't live there anymore. The job I thought I was going to be able to get totally fell through and I felt very uneasy there. I didn't like living there and I felt very much alone. And even though it was hard for me to leave Maryann, I just couldn't stay there any more. So I came home.

I applied for jobs pretty much all over Michigan and ended up getting an interview at a coffee shop that I love. I was planning on living in Wyoming with one of my very best friends, we were going to live at this really nice apartment everything was almost totally all set with that. I was still planning on going up to Newaygo on Wednesdays to work with my youth group kids up there. It was pretty much the ideal situation. Then things changed again.

This all happened within about a week and then I had a meeting with the pastor from my church in Newaygo. They wanted me to continue working with the kids, and they asked me my commitment level. I told him the truth, I wanted to be fully committed to the kids and I wanted to be involved in their lives. This is where things changed. He told me that the church wanted me to be as involved as I could be as well, and that they wanted me to move up to Newaygo. The church has a parsonage (which is currently in the process of being fixed up) that they wanted to offer me, once all of the fixing is done. He said that a family from the church had offered to let me stay with them until I could move into the house. So I thought about it and I prayed about it and I knew that God was being faithful and had answered one of the deepest requests of my heart-- to be able to stay with my kids in Newaygo and be a bigger part of their lives. So I accepted that offer and the next week I moved to Newaygo.

Since then I have been living with the family from the church and waiting for my house to get finished. The family I have been staying with is so good to me and they have practically adopted me as their own. They have done so much for me and have become my second family. All of my needs have been met and mostly have gone beyond what I have needed. I am so thankful for everything that this family has done for me.

I also recently got a job working at Family Dollar. It is not a super stressful job, and I like it. It is just part time so only about 26 hours a week, but that is better than nothing. I am doing really well here, but I do miss my family though.

There have been so many changes, but I am so excited and happy about everything that is going on. I love my life and I wouldn't have it any other way. I am so happy to be doing ministry with the kids that I am dedicated to doing ministry with and I am loving being able to be involved in their lives. I was just able to spend some time in Nashville for the National Youth Workers Conference and it was a nice time to relax and to get re-energized about everything! It was an amazing conference and I am so glad I got to go.

There have been so many changes in my life lately, but I think things are finally starting to die down a little bit and stop changing. At least for a little while.I promise I will try not to neglect my blog as much as I have been lately.

with hope,
Amanda

thoughts at the end of day 3

sometimes i just dont know...

sometimes it is clear and sometimes it is fuzzy.

sometimes i think i know what i am doing, so i dive in... full force... and then realize i have gone too deep.

sometimes i wonder if i ended up with so much dislike for a place and time in my life, that i am too afraid i will end up in that place and time again, so instead of facing it, i run from it... i run as far away as i can go. some day i will have to face it though. that day will be ugly.

sometimes my imagination and my dreams can get too high.

sometimes i wish things were different.

the "what ifs" are running around in my mind. dancing and prancing. running circles and singing. so many "what if" questions...

sometimes i plan too much, sometimes i don't plan enough.

sometimes i forget.

sometimes this is harder than i remember, harder than i think it should be, and harder than i think i can handle.

sometimes... most times... more often than not... all the time... i worry more than i should. but i can't help it.

here i am.

Two days ago my car was all packed up, I woke up early to get myself ready, my family had breakfast together and then I left. I left to come to a new city with only my carload of personal belongings and a little bit of money. After a stop at Aunt Karen's house, one turn around because I got on the wrong road, three travel plaza's, and mixed up directions... I am here. My car is not so much a fan of these hills/mountains that we live on, but it made it here. It is always a little hard adjusting to somewhere new, where you don't really know anyone. My roommate had to leave yesterday almost immediately after I got here and she had an overnight shift at work, so I had the house to myself for the entire evening and night. She got back this morning at around 7 and went right to sleep. I unpacked my car right away because I knew that I wouldn't want to do it if I put it off until "later." Then I began sorting through some of my stuff and getting stuff situated. I can't really do a whole lot with my stuff because I don't have anything to put it in or on yet, nor do I have a bed, but those things will come. I am supposed to be hearing back from the job I applied for within the next few days. I am really hoping to get this job. This journey has just begun and even though I am scared out of my mind, a little hesitant and sometimes questioning myself, I know that God has a purpose for me being here. I know that because of his promises to me. I know that because he opened so many doors here and closed so many doors in Michigan. Even though it was my heart's desire to stay in Grand Rapids close to my friends and everything I know, God said no and for once in my life I listened, and I listened carefully. I listened to where I should go, and God's desire for my life is bigger and matters so much more to me than my desire for my life. So here I am. In Pittsburgh. Just me and Maryann and her GPS to get me around if I want to leave the house. It scares me to turn around on our street/ally in the back of our house. It scares me to drive on mountains and in tunnels. It scares me that I stepped out in faith and came here without a promise or offer for a job and that I only have a small supply of money to my name. But no matter how scared I am, God is bigger than that.

So here I am.
I hope that you will continue to follow my journey through this crazy process of me continuing and having to lean on God to get me through each day.

Over the summer I fell in love with the book of Exodus. A strange book to fall in love with, but so amazing to me. I love that it shows the true feelings of the Israelites. They freak out and get mad and complain about what they are going through, then God provides them with something to prove himself to them. They believe for the moment in the power of God, but then they forget so quickly and God has to do something else to show himself to them again. God is so patient with them as they offer their complaints and things they cannot stand about being in the wilderness. One of my favorite parts it this:
Exodus 15:26-- He said, "If you listen carefully to the voice of the Lord your God and do what is right in his eyes, if you pay attention to his commands and keep all his decrees, I will not bring on you any of the diseases I brought on the Egyptians, for I am the Lord, who heals you."

That has been really encouraging to me in this crazy time of not knowing what is next.

I will blog again soon.
Much Love,
Amanda

new horizons

i graduated.
i walked up the steps, shook president kemper's hand, walked across the stage, and down the stairs without falling.

new horizons was our theme for graduation.
as i have been thinking about it... i am excited about what is on my horizon.

i am going to visit the ministry in vermont in two weeks.
hopefully i will be able to fit into their ministry. =]

then i will be home for a little over a week... then im leaving again.
Romania is on the horizon.

i cant wait.
im so excited for what is next...


the last four years have been amazing, hard, wonderful, challenging, fun, interesting and filled with memories. i have had 5 roommates (officially), many others unofficially. many of them have gone in very different paths of life, but each contributed to my growth so much and i am so thankful to them. i love them all.

i was walking around meijer earlier and i stopped to read the book "Oh the Places You'll Go" by Dr. Seuss. it is amazing and i wish someone had gotten me that book for graduation. i love it.

i am ready to go.
here am i Lord, send me.

here's to the last four years of amazingness, and to the next chapter of my life.
cheers.

almost over.

im sooooo done.
my brain has checked out of college and is ready to experience the next step in my life.
but what is that?? im so confused.

i had an interview yesterday with a really awesome ministry that i would love to work for. but the pay is not so great. i would really kind of like to still do the peace corps. i dont really know what to think anymore. i thought i had it figured out... but i didnt. now im freaking out. again.

i just know that im ready to stop writing papers and move on.
but what does that look like i have no idea.

this sucks.

senioritis and the changing of times.

so i definitely have a major case of senioritis.

last thursday i had a midterm due.
now this wasnt just any midterm.
this midterm was intense. my dispensational theology midterm.
not sophomore level theology... senior level theology. as in the highest theology class my college offers.
there were 5 questions. each worth 20 points.
each question had four or five questions in it that we had to answer.
each answer could be no more than 2 pages but it was hard to answer them in less than one.
i spent somewhere around 8 hours on this midterm.
long story short. i lost all of it with the exception of one and a half questions.
not only did i lose it, but i lost it an hour before it was due.
ouch.
there were tears involved.
but nevertheless i redid it and turned it in today.

i spent my lovely easter break at home. i was excited to be home. i miss my family. my brother is almost taller than me which is scary. my mom and i had fun shopping for dresses for graduation. and my dad is always the same and i love him so much. for easter two of my aunts came over. my grandma came over. and i had four and a half cousins over (my cousin Jason's wife is pregnant). Kaylee and Brent are getting so big. they are adorable. i love my family. i am so blessed to have such a big family where mostly everyone gets along and we all talk and love each other.


i was not ready to come back here to grand rapids. i wanted to stay at home, but my friend who was driving me needed to be back to go to school today. so last night and today i have been a little homesick which is a weird feeling. i don't think i will be home again before graduation.

things are changing and i am excited and scared all at the same time. i should be having a phone interview pretty soon with the program director at a ministry in Vermont. i really want to work for this ministry. i am hoping that i will get the chance to soooo bad. if i get the job i will be moving to vermont when i get back from Romania. =] so potentially in august.

things are exciting.

33 days until graduation.
50 days until romania.

<3

calm. chill. relax.

spring break.
every college student looks forward to spring break.
spring break is looked at from many students as a time to go somewhere warm, get completely trashed with friends (old and new), and just party before you have to hit the books for 6 more weeks.
this is my final spring break. I think that I have used it well. I am excited that I did absolutely nothing except rest, relax, and recharge.
many of my friends have gone to some awesome places for spring break this year like North Carolina, California, Florida, many have gone to Missouri for the guys National Basketball Championship. I have gone somewhere for the past three spring breaks. This time I came home. I came home last saturday. I have seen some friends from high school, spent some time with friends from church, and of course I have seen my family. But most of all I have gotten to spend time with myself, reflecting on my life and things that are happening in my life. I don't do this often, and I am not very good at it. But sometimes it just needs to happen. I have spent the last day listening to mostly the New Moon and Twilight soundtracks and scores. Mostly the scores though, meaning just piano or orchestra music. I love it so much. Yiruma and Carter Burwell and Alexandre Desplat did a fabulous job creating the mood for the books and movies of the Twilight Saga. This music is able to reach in and touch a deep place in my soul. I love it.
Today I have been mostly just listening to the music and staring out my window. This probably sounds really lame... but I almost feel like my life is a movie when I do this. I have a little cut out piece of my wall where my window is. I think originally when we moved in, we meant to put a bench here, but we never did so currently my bed is in this litte nook the head of my bed is in this nook with the rest of my bed sticking out into the middle of my room. It is kind of inconvenient, but i like the view. I have looked out this window many times, but I don't know if i ever really saw it in the light I see it today. The view is nothing but a field with a swamp in the middle of it, but I have lived with this field here for almost 17 years of my life. It is home. It is comforting. When I want to cry, it is a comforting sight.
Althought it is not sunny out today, there is something promising about the day when I look out the window. It brings me hope. Although this field and the swamp are only different shades of brown and gray with a little snow it is beautiful. breathtaking. inspiring. I am glad I am here to just relax. Get away from school, studying, even some of the people there. I love music. I love relaxing. I will save the worrying for when I get back on Sunday night. I am going to enjoy my last spring break to its fullest while I still can.

my heart breaks.

i love the youth group i work with in newaygo. i absolutely love it so, so, soooo very much. each week these kids remind me why i am a youth ministry major. last week was super intense with out high school time after the message. they are really starting to open up and to let us see their hearts and i love it. this past friday i was able to go to band festival and see 8 of my kids perform in their various bands and it was awesome just to be able to be there and support them. their faces lit up when they saw that i was there... and i love that it isn't in my own power or love that i love these kids, it is in the power of Jesus. over the last two weeks i have also been able to become closer with a bunch of the girls from youth group as well. we have been texting and emailing like crazy and they have been able to share with me things through that because i have come to their level of communication. i love that. i am so glad that i have been able to share with these few girls in their struggles and hurts and with what is going on in their hearts. i feel so privileged to share in these things and i am so happy that i am able to be a positive influence in their lives. this week i will be sharing about control at youth group. hopefully i can get something through their heads about control... because for many of them control is a major issue and a huge power struggle in their families and in their lives.

Highlights of my last week from specifically youth group kids:
Kelsi hugged me. not once, not twice, but three times on friday at her band festival. she never gives hugs to people unless they are her close friends. Kelsi and i have also been texting and i have been able to hear some of her heart. and i love it.

Cameron came to church again sunday. i know he didnt want to be there, but the fact is... he was. he was able to be loved and feel welcome and accepted. i know he feels more comfortable now. i can see it. i think it is just a matter of time...

Emily has been texting me like crazy!! Her attitude is starting to soften and her walls are coming down as well.

but my heart continually breaks for the kids in our youth group and in Newaygo County. I am so glad i get to work with them. it is where my heart is.

shake the dust.

this guy is amazing.
watch this then go to youtube and watch his other stuff.
especially "For Those Who Can"

happy valentines day.

So valentine's day...

normally when people say stuff like "God is my Valentine" i think it is pretty lame. But today on the back of my bulletin from church there was a sweet poem. so i would like to share it with you.

God's Valentine
by Paul J. Twist

Of all the valentines ever sent, none is more significant than the love message from God in John 3:16
"For God so loVed the world,
that He gAve
His onLy
BegottEn
SoN,
That whosoever
believeth In Him
should Not perish,
but have Everlasting life."

My dictionary says a valentine is "a note containing a message of sentimental love." But God's valentine is more than emotional sentiment. It expresses tenderness, of course, but it also offers God's solution to man's greatest need, the salvation of his eternal soul. God's message of love was in His heart before creation and, according to Romans 5:8, "while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." God's valentine is not for those who think they are good, but for those who admit they are needy sinners.

If you receive God's valentine with a repentant heart of faith, His love will fill your heart and life with great joy and lasting peace. His valentine expresses love that will never end!

I just thought that was really cool. It is cooler if the word VALENTINE from John 3:16 would work right, but my blogger spacing is dumb. but it is still the same sort of effect. I hope that it is God's love you are seeking after and receiving on this valentine's day. God longs for you to be completely in love with him.

happy valentine's day.
<3

we will be the hopeful

As I am doing research for my independent study class I am just seeing more and more brokeness. It hurts my heart to see some of these things. To know that not only are there teenagers and people out there who are struggling with some of the same things that I have in the past, but to know that they feel alone. To know that they think there isn't any other way to deal with their hurt and their pain. To know that I see some of these people every single day... and what am I doing about it? What are you doing about it? Personally I don't think I am doing a very good job at this part. I am not really doing anything to help the people around me who are hurting. I want to take this off of the page... all of my statistics and quotes and take them and put faces to these stats. Not that I want my friends or anyone to be a part of these statistics, but I know that some of them are anyways and I want to be there to help them. I want to know who is dealing with what so I can know what they need. I want to show them it is okay to have pain, but they don't have to deal with it alone. I want to wipe away their tears and replace them with joy. I want to understand their despair and replace it with hope. Something that my friend Joe and I talk about a lot is honesty. What if we were all a little more honest with each other? What if we stopped hiding behind this mask that everything is fine? I think if we did that, we could show people that it is okay to be broken and when we are broken God usually is able to move the most in our lives. God created us to be in community with each other. God created us to share our lives with one another... somewhere in between heartbreak and shame we lost that. We lost our will to be open and honest. Let's break that mold. Honesty brings healing, healing brings hope. Hope that there are thigns greater than us out there. Hope that we can share with people who can't grasp that fact. Hope is real. Healing is real. Community is real. Let's move for something.

We will be the hopeful.

:: cord of three strands ::

Ecclesiastes 4:12b
"A cord of three strands is not quickly broken"

i love to make friendship bracelets.
they remind me of people or places or times in my life that meant something to me.
two of the bracelets i wear every day i have had on for about a year and eight months. almost two years. each day they remind me of Romania and my heart for the orphans and my heart to do ministry there.

today i think i will start three new bracelets with the same colors to represent two of my very best friends and myself. we just struggled through a really difficult situation, but God has given each of us a peace or contentment about this and about our friendship.

although sometimes these bracelets i wear have to withstand rough weather (sleeping, showering, catching on things, little kids playing with them, etc.) they still are strong and they have stayed on. my bracelet made of plastic broke. but the two i have on that are made of string have not broken. they are not quickly broken. this is a great representation of my friendship with these two amazing people. although we have just undergone a major trial for our friendship, a little bit of rough weather, we can stay strong.


we are like a cord of three strands. we are not easily broken.

things will change now

ouch.

broken trust.
broken friendship.
broken heart.
how did you think this wouldnt change things?

i dont even know what to do.
only one possible thing.

cry out with the pieces of my heart in my hands
asking, no, begging God to put it back together.

i should have seen this coming.

surrounded by brokenness

yesterday was a very long exhausting day. it was like one thing after another... and it just kept coming.

to begin with i was broken. i went for a drive for three hours and i could only tell you were i was for the last hour. not because the places i went were sketchy, but because i honestly dont know where i was. i know at one point i was at pinery park, and i think i ended up at the library... i know that for the last hour i became a mall walker at rogers plaza. i couldnt feel and i couldnt think. it was a hard place to be. i was worried about my message for last nights youth group. i was worried about many other things.

at youth group it was an interesting combo of my nervousness and inadequacy and God's faithfulness and providence. i missed a whole page of my notes. i talked about prayer and was ending with salvation and i missed a whole page of notes, so i came in at the end of my salvation message instead of the beginning. i wasnt sure how that was going to work. i told the kids i would be upstairs willing to pray for them. at first, none of them came. but slowly they did. i was able to connect with kids in a new way. i was able to see their brokenness and show a few of them pieces of my brokenness. it was exhausting yet rewarding. i was able to pray with kids who dont even believe in God, but they know i believe in God and the power of prayer so they asked me to pray for them.

when i got home, i talked with a friend about some decisions i have made and need to make over the next few days. i came home to go to bed around 10:30 and found out that another one of my very close friends was having a really rough night. he didnt want to see me, he just wanted to be alone with his depression and brokenness. but i didnt let him and his girlfriend didnt let him. i spent a good hour an a half just sitting in his room, being a presence in his broken state letting him know that he is not alone.

finally i came back to my apartment and my roommate told me some decisions she has made that were very hard for me to hear. it made me very sad, but at the same time excited. she is going on a new adventure that will be amazing for her. but in my own selfishness i want her to stay here. she is the best roommate ever and i love her so much. but i support her decision to do what she is going to do entirely. i understand where she is coming from... even though it hurts.

when i got on facebook today, my mom was online and she started a chat with me. something happened to someone in my family and my mom gets to go spend the whole day in the hospital with this family member. it worries me because this isnt the first time it has happened.

i am surrounded by brokenness. i am broken. i am undone.
God is faithful.

1 John 1:9
If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

:: my heart's cry ::

O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,,
my body longs for you
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.

I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your
glory.

Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.

I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my
hands.

Psalm 63: 1-4

today this is my heart's cry to my God and my Savior.
am i really doing this? because I need to.
I want this with everything I am right now.

i stand in awe of my God.
with a silent heart and reverence for his glory and honor and power,
i seek him and what he desires for me.

L.A.Z.Y.

oh my, where to begin.

i have been so lazy.

this is not okay.



i have become too content, too comfortable with the way my life is going, that i haven't realized a great many things.

sunsets over ocean waves.

when i was in california we went to the beach two times. both times we stayed and watched the sun set over the ocean. it was such a beautiful reminder of God's beauty. i know that personally i never really notice how fast time goes and how fast the sun really is moving until those last few moments when the sun kisses the horizon and finally dips below. in those final minutes of a sunset over ocean waves it is easy to see the hand of God. the waves singing their continual praise to God, doing what they were created to do. they work so closely with the tide, rolling and crashing their way as they wash up to the shore gently caressing the sand then they wash back out to sea. this is their song of praise. each sound in a wave is different. the sound it makes as it starts to pull against the current, then as it begins to roll over that makes many different sounds depending on how big or small the wave is, then the final crashing into the water it makes. and those are just a few of the ones we can hear above the water. as these waves continue so different, so unique but so much the same they are doing exactly what they were created to do. then i think of the sunset. to begin with it reflects off the water in such a way that is a whole other aspect of worship to our wonderful Creator...the way the sun changes colors and reflects on the sky and on the water is so beautiful. my favorite part of a sunset is when it is about halfway "in the water" and you can see the reflection of the sun on the water and the beach but still can see part of the sun. it is just a small piece of the glory of an almighty Father that is amazing!!!! when you put both the sunset and the ocean waves together it is simply breathtaking i love it so much. don't doubt the beauty of God's love, grace, and mercy.

i want to encourage you today to try and remember that not only are these sunsets and waves unique, but you are as well. God has created you with a specific purpose... although it is sometimes really hard to see that purpose, it is still there. try and be like the ocean and reflect the glory of God in your own life... maybe some day, someone will tell you that you remind them of a sunset over ocean waves.

vacation highlights-- it's long...

wow has it really been like three weeks since i posted?? i started this while i was still in california, but i didn't finish it for some reason. so let me catch you up a little bit.

three sundays ago we went to church with Chrissy's family and then we went to lunch at her pastor's house. it was a very beautiful house with a speaker on the outside, delicious lunch, and a fun time of fellowship. then we went back to Chrissy's house for like an hour, got all packed up, said goodbye to her family, and went to the house of two of our other friends, Josh and Maggie. Josh and Maggie have a ton of siblings from other countries. their house and family is an awesome picture of diversity and equality and love. it was awesome to experience such a family. After hanging out with their family for the night, we got up and went to the airport on Monday to leave for California!!

We (Joe, Chrissy, Moses, and I) all flew out of Spokane and into Seattle where we had a layover for about three hours. We left Seattle and flew into LA. in LA we had to wait for about 2 hours in the baggage claim area to get Moses and Chrissy's checked luggage and Moses's guitar. Julissa was there to pick us up and we were so excited to see her. it has been a long time since we saw her and we got to meet her boyfriend Landon!! that night we (Joe, Chrissy, Julissa, Landon, and I) stayed at Julissa's granparent's house in Anaheim so that we could get up and go back to LA in the morning.

we went to Los Angeles on Tuesday after a wonderful breakfast prepared by Julissa's grandma. we got to walk down Hollywood Blvd and do the walk of stars. we also got to go to Grauman's Chinese Theater where there are the footprints and handprints of many celebrities. i was so excited to go there. when we saw the Chinese Theater though, we were across the street and the first thing that caught our eye were three guys. these three guys had signs and were screaming at the people walking down the sidewalk. these guys were yelling at everyone saying we are all going to hell, and we need to repent now!!! Joe was getting frustrated pretty much the instant we saw them. So we went across the street, getting stopped for a picture that scammed $10 out of Chrissy. When we got across the street we could hear these men more clearly and they were just angry and full of hate. When Landon came to join us, he decided that he was going to go speak to them. After a few minutes Joe went with him. If you have never been to that part of Hollywood Blvd. something you need to know is that there are people dressed as celebrities everywhere you go, trying to scam you out of money to get a picture with them... (This is how Chrissy got scammed out of $10... so we could get a picture with Dorothy and Catwoman) anyways... one of the men began yelling at a woman dressed as Marilyn Monroe. He was calling her names and pinning all of these "sins" on her because of the way she was dressed and who she was dressed like. He was not treating her in love, but judging her. Eventually Joe and Landon decided that they were just going to agree to disagree on the way to share the gospel and we walked away. We went down the road a little bit more, then crossed the street and turned around to go back on the opposite side of the street. Once we passed the Chinese Theater we wanted to go back to that side of the street to see the stars on that side... while we were walking Landon was talking about how he wanted to find "Marilyn Monroe" and apologize to her for what the man had said to her. When we got to the point where we were going to cross back to the same side as the theater, as we were waiting to cross the street I saw "Marilyn Monroe" directly where we were going. As soon as we got to that side of the street we all went up to her and began talking to her. Her name was Melissa and she claimed to be a Christian, but she had a TON of spiritual warfare going on in her life, we could just sense it and feel it. I know that my own heart was breaking for this woman... She was broken. She has known pain. Looking in her eyes hurt... I think of Emery lyrics "People want the truth, but never want the scars." We were able to pray with this woman right there on Hollywood Boulevard. We were a light in that dark place. As you walk down that street, it is so full of so many other idols and things that are put before God... sex, drugs, fame, people, shopping, coffee. It was a little reality check, making me thankful that I am able to go to a school where Christ is the center and be able to be encouraged by other believers almost 24 hours a day.

After that spiritually tiring experience on Hollywood Blvd, we went to Santa Monica beach, where there is like a gym for adults, complete with gymnastics rings like swingsets, climbing ropes, chin-up bars, a triangle of grass for yoga, a path for, walkers, runners, rollerbladers, and bikers. Beyond that, it opens up to a beautiful beach where we watched the sunset. I am going to write about the sunset and the ocean in my next post. So i won't get too carried away now, i will just say it is beautiful. After the sunset we drove back to Julissa's house in Temecula.

Wednesday we just hung out at Julissa's house for a while, enjoying the sun and the mountains playing with her crazy dog Louie. A little later in the afternoon we went into Temecula and got to be tourists in her little town. We rented some movies and that night Moses came over and we watched the movies and just hung out.

Thursday was another fun and busy day. We went back to the Anaheim area where we spent some time at Chrissy's grandpa's house. Then we decided we were going to go out to dinner with Moses that night so while we waited to meet up with him we went and saw the Crystal Cathedral. This is the church that my mom watches on TV and it is actually like a legit church, not just some televangelist that just wants people's money. Their grounds are beautiful and their buildings are very intricate and beautiful as well. That was something cool for me to do. After that we went to Downtown Disney and just walked around for a while. Eventually we met up with Moses and went to this delicious Korean BBQ Buffet, where you go up to the buffet and get raw meat and come back to your table where there is a grill in the middle and then you cook it all yourself. Once we were all absolutely stuffed we went to Moses' house where we met some of his family and ate a little more delicious asain food. Before it got too late we left and went back to Julissa's house.

Friday again was fun and packed. We went to Coronado Beach all day. We were there from about 11:30 a.m. until sunset, so we got a good amount of sunshine and I think Joe, Chrissy, and I all ended the day with at least a little bit of a sunburn. It was a great day of just hanging out on the beach with friends... it reminded me of the summer going to the beach a lot with Melissa and Deanna. The waves that we saw were just beautiful, especially in the sunset. After sunset, we left and went to eat at an In and Out (a gift from God... sooo yummy). Then we were able to go see my cousin Dana who I visted on my last trip to California last spring. It was good to see her. Finally after that long day, we made it back to Julissa's.

Saturday was another fun day, not quite as busy, but definitely tons of fun. We were able to serve this single mom and her two daughters by painting some rooms in her house. We were able to paint her dining room, the hallway, and a great room that is a little smaller than the size of my apartment. She was telling us that they have lived in this house for 9 years and for the last 6 years she has painted a little bit of thier house at a time, but still without much progress. So being able to do this for her was such a blessing for her and for us. She repayed us in delicious pizza, so it was a fabulous trade i think. Later that day we went to a community pool and hot tub in the little subdivision area that Julissa babysits in. First of all the water was weird because they use salt water. Second, the pool was SOOO cold it made like every joint in your body stop and it made my skin want to turn inside out to get warm. But we had fun going in the hot tub, then jumping into the pool. When we left to pool we went and got some ice cream and rented another movie.

Sunday was more of a super chill day. We went to church in the morning, and when we got back from church we began preparing for a big lunch that we were going to have. The grill was out of gas and Julissa's dad wasn't home, so Joe and I got to go on an adventure. We got to drive to Martin's General Store in the foothills of these mountains in rural Temecula. It was quite an interesting experience. First we got lost, so we had to turn around. Then when we got there it is this dinky little country market with a horse and a billy goat in the front yard. Joe finally saw his billy goat. Then the gas thing wasnt working, then it did finally. Then we were a dollar short and the lady working just told us to bring it back after our lunch. So we went back to the house and finished making lunch, ate lunch, then Joe, Chrissy, and I went back to take the lady the dollar we owed her. That night we went to the college ministry at Rancho Community Church, where I got to hear Julianna sing again!! Oh how I have missed her. There was an amazing message and it gave me a lot that I needed to think about. When we were done there, we went to Julianna and Tyson's house for a little birthday celebration for Tyson. Then we went back to Julissa's house where Joe, Chrissy, and I stayed up laughing longer than we should have, but it was super fun.

Monday morning we got up early and Julissa and Landon drove us to LAX so that we could catch our flight to Houston. On that flight, we had an international plane so we had an in flight movie and lunch and everything. I ended up watching a movie the whole time pretty much while Chrissy and Joe slept. The Houston airport was interesting... first we had to find our gate... B84-3. This is the gate that they don't care about in Houston. The people down in this gate can joke around a little bit and have some fun because all the people that are flying down there are going to little baby airports that nobody really cares about... Anyways after a slight delay because of flight attendant issues, we finally made it back to Grand Rapids and finally back to Grace at about midnight.

Now for the last week I have just been relaxing and hanging out watching movies in my apartment. I feel like this vacation was so much fun and so needed. I am excited to see what God has in store for me this semester. =]

mountains are glorious.

welcome to 2010!!

december 31 was a long day.
mostly because it was two days... filled with hanging out with awesome people riding in cars, planes, and sitting in airports.
but after all of that i have made it safely to post falls, idaho.

here are some things i learned on my last day of 2009:
- if you go to McDonalds at 4:15 a.m. and order a mocha it will take them like 15 minutes to make it.
- sitting at the waiting area at the gate of an airport is much better than sitting on an airplane and having to wait for an hour on the plane.
- detroit metro airport has the best smelling bathrooms... there is enough extra air freshener in there that it doesnt really smell like a bathroom... at least at 6:30 in the morning.
- de-icing a plane smells really bad and takes too long when you have been on the plane for an hour already
- the second row from the bathroom on a plane is disgusting... the only thing worse would be the first row from the bathroom
- Minneapolis/St. Paul airport CRAWLED out of the '60s and is an epic failure at Subway.
- when you have been awake for two days it is easy to fall asleep on a plane, no matter how cramped you are.
- mountains are always gorgeous.
- spending time with friends in other states is always a fun time for me, no matter what we are doing.
- i love idaho.


this time of refreshing and vacationing is a great way to start off the year. i am spending this time with some of my VERY BEST FRIENDS. i couldn't think of a better way to be spending this time of celebrating the new year. i am so stoked to be here in idaho with Chrissy, spending time with her family and with joe and now moses too. it was awesome today to share in the marriage of a friend. i am loving idaho, it has been nice to see it with Chrissy and share in some of her experiences and where she comes from. we went to her favorite spot the other day and i think that is one of the coolest things ever, that she was willing to share that spot with us. it was so beautiful. surrounded by mountains and just so peaceful and serene. i seem to connect so much more with God when i see God's creation they way i see it when i am around mountains and nature like this. every time i see a mountain the only thing i can hear in my head is lyrics that go like this "Savior, He can move the mountains, my God is Mighty to Save, He is Mighty to Save."

Think about this-- i can't even wrap my mind around it! if God wanted to he could MOVE these GIANT MOUNTAINS in an instant!!!!!! that makes me think of the mountains we make and create in our hearts and in our own lives... the walls that we build up so high that we try to keep God out. I know that for me i want to start this year off by climbing on top of my mountains, reclaiming my life. reclaiming my identity in Christ. i am not who i was... let this new year be a renewing of your heart and your mind in Christ Jesus as it says in Romans 12. Be transformed. enter this year with thanksgiving and rejoicing and love in your lives.

praise God for friends, mountains, and life.
i hope today finds you well and realizing that you are amazing and that you have an amazing story to tell and an amazing creator who loves you so much.

i leave you with a quote from a blog that i follow from a guy named Eric
"this is the year that stories happen; the year that apathy dies and action begins"

let your story impact someone this year.